Curt's Journal Outtakes
Originally when I wrote the 'Journal', it was more than twice as long and after finishing it there were a lot of things that I felt at the time, were either too personal or not really worth including ...also it was so damn long and I wasn't even sure people would want to read the damn thing! Some of the sections were rambling and VERY long winded....Here's a sample chapter that was removed.
The Envelope
Robbin got an 'allowance' of sorts sent to him every month from his dad, Something around $400. Just some spending money....Robbin was vague about the reason for it...something about an old investment that was in his father's name. In his last year, Robbin finally was eligible and approved for Social Security and he began receiving checks in the amount of $1050....the only problem was....he was bedridden with no bank account and no way to cash them, so he just held onto them.
One day in October of 2001 when he was finally able to go out on pass semi-regularly he called & said "Hey fuzznuts, can you come over & get me? We gotta take a ride" I was never much of a pushover, but he knew I would do anything for him sooo....I said "Sounds like we're gonna rob somebody, do you need a getaway driver?" He chuckled his low, scratchy chuckle & said "Yeah, actually I do!"
I wheeled him downstairs to the 4Runner and he says "Awww shit, the 'shoebox' again???" He didn't like the 4Runner because it was too hard for him to get up into it and once inside it was rather small for him. I told him "Hey, beggars can't be choosers!" He said "OK, Open the back, I'm gonna lay in there like cargo" ...and so he did and he was much more comfortable!
"Where to?" and the answer from the back "Head for North Hollywood, 101 to the 170, get off on Victory" We arrived about 30 minutes later at a strip mall check cashing store. I started to get the wheelchair out and he says "NO WAY....I want the crutches." Not a good idea but I had learned that you didn't argue with him when he had his mind made up.
We go in and some Armenian dude behind bullet proof glass looks up says "KEENG, you BEEG mutharfucka, wheer you been!!!" The next thing he's out the door and hugging Robbin. King introduces me to 'Koko' by saying "KK meet my new chauffer, Curt".
Koko has been cashing checks for Robbin for 10 years....because Robbin has no bank account and no ID....Koko was the only one he could turn to because he knew him. "So wheere the fuck you been??" Robbin says simply "I've been all over...you know" and then he whips out a small stack of checks....7 months worth of Social Security and 2 small royalty checks totalling over $8,500!
We get them cashed and we leave. About half way back while were on the 101 freeway in Universal City Robbin says from the back "Hey, you got the envelope , RIGHT??". I said "NO, I do NOT!" ...a long pause. "You bastard, tell me you're kidding...you got it RIGHT??"
"NO, Robbin I never had it, you took it from Koko". He starts cursing and and yelling at me so I pulled over into the emergency lane on the right shoulder and opened the back. Right away I see a corner of the envelope peeking out from under him...he's laying on the damn thing!!
I let him go on cursing and bitching with a smile on my face. Finally he says "This isn't funny, what the fuck are you laughing at!?!" I snatch up the envelope and wave it in his face like a dead fish, laughing.
His response was priceless. Deadpan he says... "OK, that's the last fucking time I take you to do a job with me!"
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Here's another deleted entry. This one was really the first section written, the section before 'Meeting a King' but after the intro, at the Very beginning of the journal. It seemed rather irrelevant and kinda silly because of my extreme ignorance, so I cut it out...the first of many chapters to go...looking at it now I guess it lends some perspective to the overall story.
Like a Dream
After leaving Neil's I started getting excited, thinking about all of the things I wanted to ask Robbin. I might not get a second chance to talk with him and I wanted to make it count so I actually wrote a long list of questions so I wouldn't forget anything.
They were mostly things related to the guitars I had, but also some questions about that magical time between 1984-1987 when RATT was on top of the hard rock world...one of the biggest bands from my home turf of Los Angeles.
I felt sort of special because I had what I considered to be a 'special ticket' to go & see him. His close friend Neil Zlozower (whom I was also rather awestruck at meeting!) had just given me 'permission' to go & see him...Neil said it would be alright, so surely Robbin would take a few minutes to talk with me. Hopefully I wouldn't stick my damn foot in my mouth!
I had a plan, I would shamelessly drop Neil's name. You know, 'Hey Robbin, how are you? I talked to Neil & he said it would be OK to come & visit'
Even though I had been vaguely informed of his current situation, In my excitement, I pictured him just as he appeared on the cover of all those magazines back then, the larger than life presence and the leader of RATT. I figured he would look much the same....surely a little worse for wear because he had been ill....but still largely unchanged.
It was August and a typically warm day in Los Angeles somewhere in the mid 90 degree range...bright & clear with some scattered billowy white clouds and I remember thinking, 'Wow, what a great day to go & see Robbin, to finally meet one of my favorite guitarists of the '80's'.
Driving over, I checked & re-checked the address of the place 'Hancock Park Convalescent Hospital'. The Hancock Park area of LA is considered kinda upscale and 'riche' so my mind conjured an idyllic setting with well manicured grounds and lots of security. I initially drove right by the place, mainly because the area didn't match my mind's image of what it should look like!!
I doubled back and found parking on the street in front of the hospital...I was surprised to say the least. It faced a busy, noisy street and there were no 'grounds', just a plain looking entrance in a somewhat dingy looking building. This couldn't be the right place. Could it?
I went inside and a young, attractive Asian receptionist smiled and said 'How may I help you?' As I looked around the rather bare & plain lobby, I said 'I'm here to visit a patient, Robbin Crosby', half expecting her to tell me there was no one here by that name. Instead, she looked a little surprised and, handing me a clipboard to sign in, said quietly 'I'm so glad you're here, he hasn't had many visitors. Are you a friend or family?' At this, I felt my eyes shift slightly as I fought to comprehend what she had just said....I finally blurted out 'Uh, No I've never met him, he doesn't know me'. She said 'Oh, well OK the elevator is there and he's on the second floor, room 203'.
On my way up I thought to myself. 'Something isn't right, am I in the right place?', then the elevator door opened and I stepped out. I looked left & right and immediately felt disoriented because there were elderly patients everywhere I looked, crowding the narrow hallway. I had never been in such a hospital so I was completely unprepared.
I walked toward a nurses station and I felt I was in a surreal movie....elderly ladies were grabbing at me from wheelchairs and old men were leaning up against walls seemingly catatonic or mumbling to themselves.
A nurse, without saying a word, pointed to a door near the end of the hallway when I asked where Robbin was. I walked over and with my heart jumping out of my chest, silently entered the room.
There were two beds, one was occupied by an elderly man with sunken cheeks who merely looked at me blankly...I looked to my left at the bed closest to the door and my knees went weak. My throat felt like it had suddenly closed & dried up.
I saw a man whom I didn't really recognize, a large man with long greasy, lank hair who was sound asleep and snoring gently. I stood transfixed slowly taking in the details.
The darker hair, the sweaty bloated face, the dirty stained hospital gown, the enormous body, the messy small table cluttered with all sorts of stuff, the two get well cards taped to the dingy wall, the faint odor of human waste, antiseptic and sweat. It WAS Robbin Crosby but my mind could not process the reality...
Without realizing it, I had dropped the paper I had brought with my questions on it....I stood for what seemed like forever trying to figure out what I should do....should I leave? Should I cough? Should I wake him? Should I ask a nurse for help? In the end, I just stood there... looking from the quizzical look on the face of the man in the next bed, back to Robbin sleeping peacefully.
Robbin...... Is that really Robbin? How can it be?? This is not what I expected...I suddenly felt very foolish and utterly stupid at my naive notions of this man and his very real state. This was not what I expected...this is not what I expected!!
After a minute I silently placed the brown bag containing the bottle of Peppermint Schnapps on the table and left the room. I don't really remember leaving the hospital...I just remember the tears I felt on my cheeks and the helpless feeling that I had somehow intruded, seen something too private...yet he never knew I was there.
To me it was like a dream. Did it really happen?
It took me a week to gather enough courage to go back...to try again.
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